German canals - bulletin one

Having travelled across the North Sea, through Belgium, Holland and Germany, to the Kiel Kanal and so to Poland, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Finland, Sweden and Norway, we left the boat in Ega Marina near Aarhus in Denmark for the winter.

Now our aim is to enter the German kanal system at Lubeck and traverse to the Rhine, Mosel and on to Strasbourg, before ending up in Elburg, Holland for the winter.

Now read on.......

Day Three Report


Distance 20 miles.

Wind NW Force 6 to 7

Sea Conditions - unspeakable.

Visibility: 50 metres

Temperature 10 degrees.

Crew enjoyment index - Minus 20.

Miles to German border - 70.


Last Report on Denmark:

Denmark is a small and prosperous country, looking bleakly to the North Sea on its left and towards the Baltic on its right. It is big in pigs and cows. Copenhagen is a beautiful city of the sea. It has some lovely seaports, a prosperous fishing industry and seems rather well-to-do in a modest kind of way. The people we encountered were reserved, but very helpful. The Cruising Association Honorary Local Representative in Aarhus could not have been more helpful, and the co-operative marina in Ega was well run and remarkably cheap by UK standards.

Danish fishermen were very brave in saving many Jews from the Nazis during World War Two.

Denmark comes across as a quietly independent and modest country - except for Danish shopping, which is truly exciting. Get a load of this advert for a shop on the island of Samsoe:



Boger - Gavearttikler - Foto - Smykker og Ure - Punger og Tasker - Sluts.


Or perhaps you might like to visit the emporium of the 'Authoriset Kloak-mester', which advertises:



'Reparation og nyetablering af kloak and Jord - stabe og anlaegsarbejde'.

Truly inspiring.

So we left Ega marina in May 2005, and headed through the Danish Little Belt, to Heiligenhafen in Germany, and thus to Lubeck, heading for the mighty Rhine and a season inside Europe on rivers and canals.


As we approach Germany, Alexandrov sends a Yoke!

Now to important matters. We have received our first German joke! The contributor was professor Markus Alexandrov, who wrote:

'Haben sie horen ze vun about der kleiner boy in der bad mit seine Mutter?

'Mutti', sagt er, pointing zu seiner testicularen, 'Sind diese dingen meiner "Brains?"

'Nein', sagt die Mutter, "NOT YET".


We liked it! But then doubts began to creep in, until finally, the terrible truth struck home - this joke is a palpable fraud. Professor Alexandrov is trying to con us all by disguising an Anglo-Saxon joke and passing it off as the genuine article.

The tell-tale signs are quite clear - this joke seemed funny - it contains a degree of whimsy and subtlety, with maybe a whiff of irony.

The true German article is easily recognisable - its effect is analogous to being struck on the head with a sledgehammer.

Shame on you, professor Alexandrov!

Continue your prayers for our deliverance - with additional Hail Marys for some bloody warmth.

Yours aye,